Women’s academical goals are less important than men’s, duh

Posted in Uncategorized by macktivist on March 2, 2010

I finally submitted my application to be a Non-Degree Seeking Graduate student at the UA this fall. The UA has a great masters program for Speech & Hearing Science, but since I didn’t take Speech &Hearing as an undergrad I’ll need to take a year of undergrad classes as a grad student. All fine and dandy then, right?

Well, like everything it gets more complicated. My primary* boyfriend of 1 ½ years wanted to go to Law School and got accepted to a great one, albeit one almost 1000 miles away from my school.  For a while I flirted with the idea of following him where he went. I think that this idea was based on the fact that I wasn’t 100% sure about going to grad school, as the last semester of undergrad was one of the worst ever. But over the last few weeks as I have had more time to process it, I decided that I REALLY wanted to go to grad school now. If I started delaying it I could possible never end up going, just putting it off for “just one more year”. And if I was to ever reach my professional goal of becoming a Speech Pathologist, I would have to go to Graduate school sometime.

Another thing that really motivated me to decide school needed to come first wass the story my secondary* boyfriend, told me of how his mother gave up hopes of getting her doctorate to follow her (then) husband and his father to *his* dream job. As indicated by the “then” in parenthesis, they eventually divorced and she regrets the choice. I really don’t want there to be that sort of regret and bitterness between me and my primary.

Now I’m not trying to claim that my choice is the best ever, and that it will work for all people. But it is very sad that there is a pervasive societal idea that women’s professional/academic goals are less important than men’s.  It also seems that women in heterosexual relationships are told that they should care more about holding together the relationship ie. sacrificing themselves so the man in the relationship can achieve his goals, while the woman should be satiated just being in a relationship with this *wonderful, successful* man.

Thankfully my primary is very feminist and agreed with my points, and we had decided to try the whole long distance thing. It’s weird though; that there seem to be people in my life confused that I’m NOT just going with my primary (whom, as far as most of my family knows, is my only boyfriend) to his new school. When I told my mother that I was going to stay where I am in five months while my boyfriend was going to move to the Law School, she asked if we had just broken up. Like, right before I called her or something. Other people have voiced similar concerns, that now I was “making” us do long distance by not going with him. Hello? Why isn’t anyone harassing him (not that I would want them to) about going away, and therefore “making” the relationship long distance? Because I’m staying right here.

* Yes, I am non-monogamous. My primary is the person that I can see myself with for the long haul and how many other secondaries I have doesn’t change that.


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