Dear Cis&Straight Poly/Kinky People – You are not Queer

Posted in Uncategorized by macktivist on April 15, 2010

Ugh, I’m dehydrated and sick, but this post has been cooking on the back-burner of my brain for awhile, and a post I read yesterday on a poly community brought this to the for front.

Dear Cis and Straight Poly/Kinky People,

No you cannot call yourself “queer”. I know that in all the hipster liberal alt communities it is cool to call yourself queer. The word Queer, for all of it’s sordid past, is actually a rather elegant sounding word . It has a “kw” sound at the beginning, which is rare in English, causing the mouth to pucker then draw back wide into a long “ee” and “r” sound.

Sorry for going into a linguistic nerdgasm for a second. Back to the point. The basics first, poly and kinky are not queer. There are no reports of poly/kinky people being dragged from cars because of what they do. Mobs do not dig up poly/kinky people and desecrate their graves. This is no such things a “poly/kinky panic” defense that people can make for killing a poly/kinky straight person. There have been time when people have argued that it is okay to kill someone just for them disclosing the fact they are LGBT.

Yes, there are some way in which and can be hard to be poly/kinky in today’s sex-negative culture. Yes, in some communities and jobs people can become penalized for this. But never to the extent that queer people have to face.

Also, the overall poly/kinky communities are not queer. Some may be queer-friendly in some ways, but a lot of the mores of the poly/kinky communities are a microcosm of mainstream straight culture- such as swinging clubs/dungeons/poly groups that frown on any male-male sexual contact but encourage females to get it on because males think it’s hot, and couples with OPPs. To me that is outright saying male-male sex is scary and disturbing while female-female sex isn’t even “real sex” and therefore a harmless distraction. And where does this leave people of ambiguous genders/sexes, whether it’s mental or physical? That is not queer friendly.

I think that straight and cis people in the poly/kinky community who want to co-opt the term queer need to get over their persecution complex, and actually help the queer community gain rights and protections, rather than try to sneak in the back.

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