Blawg

Airlines: Because fatphobia isn’t enough

Posted in Uncategorized by macktivist on April 13, 2010

While I was looking at someting of my disability comms, and I came across this story . This is disgusting, but I’m not surprised. Airlines are notoriously fatphobic , and this just shows that they are are willing to keep on hurting people who already treated as crap by mainstream society because no one will do anything to stop them.

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Probably TL;DR- My hospital stay

Posted in Uncategorized by macktivist on April 13, 2010

(In this and from now on, I’m referring to the Primary as Primus and the Secondary as Secundus.)

I was hospitalized on Sunday because I couldn’t speak without extreme pain and I couldn’t swallow.

Secundus drove me there. He had spent the whole night with me; in which I had woken up every hour like clockwork, with the same headache and sore throat I had for hours. Sometimes I would go into the bathroom and throw up the Emergen-C that he had given me. When the morning had come, he made three separate trips to the pharmacy. The first time, he got me allergy pills. I stared at the box incredulously. “How am I supposed to swallow these? And I don’t think this is an allergy..” I started to tear up thinking about trying to swallow. Secundus sighed and looked annoyed. I texted Primus, telling him I wished he was there to help me. He said, “I’ll be there soon kitty.”

When he came back he had some thermflu powder. He made me some of it by pouring it into a cup with cold water. I drank some, then read the back of the box. “It says this needs to be warm…”. He sighed and shuffled to the kitchenette to warm it up. “I think I might need to go to the hospital…” Sigh again. “No, you’ll be fine.”

Three hours later, the throat was worse and my head was pounding. “I REALLY think I need to go to the hospital” I whispered as forcefully as I could. “No I’ll go to the store again…”.

By the time he came back, I was in tears. He reluctantly drove me to UMC, claiming that he didn’t know how to get there, even though he drove down Campbell daily.

When I turned in my sheet to the desk at the Urgent Care, an alarm went off in the hospital. All the orderlies shooed us into the parking lot. My throat hurt so much at this point I could only communicate with the Secondary though my phone- I would type a comment in the text message box and show the phone to him.

When we got back inside, they quickly called my name. Secundus came back with me, and I was subject to the various vitals tests- which all came back normal although I couldn’t talk or swallow and my head was pounding. The triage nurse asked me questions so fast I couldn’t type them out, I had to whisper the answers. He seemingly randomly asked me about domestic violence.

Secundus left me there, saying he needed to freshen up. They brought me into another room, and made lie in one those narrow crib hospital beds. I was given a blanket. Thirty minutes passed.

A very pregnant doctor came in and started asking me questions. She checked my ears and throat. She seemed uninterested in my pains, telling me my vitals “were fine”. I started to think that she wasn’t believing me toward the end of the exam. As I started to tear up, she looked at me and said “What’s really wrong?”, no doubt expecting me to go into some DV sob story. When I told her it was the pain, she left. Forty minutes passed.

While alone in the room I starting texting Primus anxiously. He was driving back from his plane flight to Phoenix. As I texted, I started crying hysterically. As I was crying, an even more pregnant orderly came and asked me about my emergency contacts. She never looked at my face, which was probably all puffy, swollen, and red. I don’t cry pretty.

A second doctor came in, and asked my why I was crying. I told her it was the pain. She got me some new, warm blankets, and told me a nurse would be there soon. He came in and gave me three shot-like containers of medicine, and made me drink a syringe (minus the needle of course) of what he told me was the anti-inflammatory steroid. After taking these, the headache I had for almost twenty hours started to wear off. I dozed comfortably in my bed.

Then Secundus appeared. I was groggy because of the medicine, but I felt so relieved to see him.

“So are you going to do this every time I leave for the weekend?” He playfully smiled as he kissed and hugged me.

I was too groggy for banter, but we chitchatted a bit as my voice started to come back. After a while the nurse came back to take me for x-rays of my throat for some reason. As he was wheeling me out, we passed a surprised Secundus, dressed differently then he was hours ago when he left me there. I told him the nurse had said visitors should just stay in the room.

When I was wheeled back into the room, Primus and Secundus were talking. We all talked for a then Primus said he needed to grab something to eat since he had rushed to Tucson from Phoenix to see me. Secundus and I made awkward small talk, wherein he blamed his mother and Amy as reasons he couldn’t have helped since he was so used before. We made awkward small talk about transhumanism.

Primus then came back, and Secundus left. Primus brought me home after awhile and we cuddled.

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Unworking ethic.

Posted in Uncategorized by macktivist on April 9, 2010

Day two of the Primary being in Berkeley. It seems that he is becoming more sure that he wants to go there. I want him to have a place he really wants to go, I’m just scared of somethings. I’m scared of him being so far away, I’m scared he’ll decide that having a primary in another state is too difficult, I’m scared that we’ll make it through the three years apart but will drown in debt from both of our post-collegiate scholastic ventures.

Secondary stayed over last night. We decided that it would be best if we stayed at my and Erik’s place, as there has been bad blood between me and ex he lives with. He’s convinced my roommates (who actually live in the main house as opposed to the guest house the Primary and I rent) think that I’m having an affair with him because he parked his car in the drive way. They probably do, but they are the Primary’s friends and not mine, so that’s up to him to talk to them about.

I’m all alone right now. There are probably a billion things that I should be doing, like ohhh– exercising, getting my paper signed to graduate, get my bike fixed — but the internet is more fun.

Edit Later:
I’m at my school’s campus, as I walked here to get my graduation papers signed. Looks like I’ll have to wait until next week AGAIN, as the advisors are closed. Well, at least I’m getting the exercise I keep on saying I’m going to do. I am being tempted by the thought of buying some veggie sushi…

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High Fructose Corn Shit

Posted in Uncategorized by macktivist on April 8, 2010

My Primary left last night; he drove to my parent’s house in Phoenix, stayed the night, and was driven very early in the morning to the airport by my dad. I’m missing him already.

My insomnia was pretty bad last night without him. I know it sound saccharine, to say, but once you get used to sharing a bed with someone and cuddling up to them every night, it feels like there’s no reason to go to bed. That kicked me in the butt this morning as I didn’t wake up until 11ish.

I went to the store today, as my benefits start on the 7th of every month. I got some Arizona Ice Tea, because it was so on sale. After drinking some on the walk home, I realized that they put HFCS. Now I’m not one of those people who think it will give me autism or something, but I do know that it is shit for your body. So when I got home I poured out on the ground the offending liquid, and later returned the other container I had bought. If I have to be a fatty, I want to be a fatty from eating nutritious food, not over processed shit.

I have been thinking a lot about gender and my own identity, more later.

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Oh wow.

Posted in Uncategorized by macktivist on April 7, 2010

So it’s almost been a month since I last posted! I’ve decided that I am going to, starting today,post something everyday.

So what has happened in the last month? Well, Spring Break but it doesn’t count that much if you’re only taking one class. Got in an blow out with my secondary’s ex, which was BOUND to happen as they live together (which happened after they broke up, yeah, I know), and has finally convinced him that their relationship is getting so toxic he has to get out. This has brought up some issues for him to work out.

My primary is going to Berkley Law this week for orientation. He’s going to a lot of different events, some especially interesting queer events, like a tour through the Castro. He’s been questioning his own sexuality for the past few months and finally is feeling comfortable identifying himself as bisexual. I’m so proud of him in so many ways! I even surprised him by advising him to pack some condoms in case he gets lucky, as the “rules” that we set down require us to introduce new partners before sleeping with them. But I decided I’m be okay with relaxing them for one week, especially since whoever he hooks up with he won’t even see again until he moves there in August, five months from now, so I feel okay with it. 🙂

Angie Jackson’s brave choice

Posted in Uncategorized by macktivist on March 11, 2010

I was reading a lot about Angie Jackson today, the woman who live-tweeted her abortion. It’s so sad that now-a-days a woman getting a PERFECTLY LEGAL, NON-INVASIVE medical procedure is interviewed on CNN like she is some sort of oddity to be gawked at.

It is also a sign of how entrenched anti-choice rhetoric is in my country. It’s shocking how sexist the mainstream media is, that if you watch US television and movies whenever a female character becomes pregnant she instantaneously turns to the Cult of True Womanhood*. No matter what frivolous things like “goals” or “dreams” that she expressed interest in before she was knocked up; she now knows that she needs to give that all up to be tied legally and emotional tied to a child for 18+ years.

When reading the transcript of Jackson’s interview with CNN, I was struck by the fact that the reporter seemed to be constantly undermining Ms. Jackson’s decision n to get an abortion. Ms. Jackson very clearly stated that the abortion was vitally NECESSARY, as her doctor had told her after her first child that she wouldn’t be able to safely have another. Now, when a woman is confronted with the choices of “no abortion -> dying” vs “abortion -> not dying”, most people would take the side of “abortion”. The fact that the anti-choicers are sending her death threats is horrible but not unexpected. These “pro-lifers” have deemed women not worthy of being autonomous free beings, so the fact she is choosing herself over a clump of cells is enraging to them.

This live-tweet has not gone unnoticed in the feminist blogspheres. The article that the former director of PP Rhode Island wrote in response to Ms. Jackson, saying that she shouldn’t be out there talking about her abortion is ridiculous. Looking up the facts about abortion on web (which was a hassle within itself, as the top reasons on Google are from places like “AbortionNo.com” *eyeroll*) from the PP research, one in three American women will have an abortion in their lives. Why can’t we talk about this? Especially as more and more states pull tighter and tighter around a noose on choice’s neck.

Could you imagine if even 25% of the one in three American women did what Ms. Jackson did? If they were open and honest about their experiences, and pointed out how freeing being able to make that choice was? Of course it would make the crazed anti-choices foam at the mouth, but there would be a pro-choice revolution.

*Unless she happens to be a women of color, than she’s a terrible, unfit “Welfare Queen”. Yay sexism + racism.

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Women’s academical goals are less important than men’s, duh

Posted in Uncategorized by macktivist on March 2, 2010

I finally submitted my application to be a Non-Degree Seeking Graduate student at the UA this fall. The UA has a great masters program for Speech & Hearing Science, but since I didn’t take Speech &Hearing as an undergrad I’ll need to take a year of undergrad classes as a grad student. All fine and dandy then, right?

Well, like everything it gets more complicated. My primary* boyfriend of 1 ½ years wanted to go to Law School and got accepted to a great one, albeit one almost 1000 miles away from my school.  For a while I flirted with the idea of following him where he went. I think that this idea was based on the fact that I wasn’t 100% sure about going to grad school, as the last semester of undergrad was one of the worst ever. But over the last few weeks as I have had more time to process it, I decided that I REALLY wanted to go to grad school now. If I started delaying it I could possible never end up going, just putting it off for “just one more year”. And if I was to ever reach my professional goal of becoming a Speech Pathologist, I would have to go to Graduate school sometime.

Another thing that really motivated me to decide school needed to come first wass the story my secondary* boyfriend, told me of how his mother gave up hopes of getting her doctorate to follow her (then) husband and his father to *his* dream job. As indicated by the “then” in parenthesis, they eventually divorced and she regrets the choice. I really don’t want there to be that sort of regret and bitterness between me and my primary.

Now I’m not trying to claim that my choice is the best ever, and that it will work for all people. But it is very sad that there is a pervasive societal idea that women’s professional/academic goals are less important than men’s.  It also seems that women in heterosexual relationships are told that they should care more about holding together the relationship ie. sacrificing themselves so the man in the relationship can achieve his goals, while the woman should be satiated just being in a relationship with this *wonderful, successful* man.

Thankfully my primary is very feminist and agreed with my points, and we had decided to try the whole long distance thing. It’s weird though; that there seem to be people in my life confused that I’m NOT just going with my primary (whom, as far as most of my family knows, is my only boyfriend) to his new school. When I told my mother that I was going to stay where I am in five months while my boyfriend was going to move to the Law School, she asked if we had just broken up. Like, right before I called her or something. Other people have voiced similar concerns, that now I was “making” us do long distance by not going with him. Hello? Why isn’t anyone harassing him (not that I would want them to) about going away, and therefore “making” the relationship long distance? Because I’m staying right here.

* Yes, I am non-monogamous. My primary is the person that I can see myself with for the long haul and how many other secondaries I have doesn’t change that.

Not too good at this

Posted in Uncategorized by macktivist on March 1, 2010

I’ve been really trying to write in this more often. The problem seems to be that there is so often nothing AND everything to write about. That I feel that either much better blogs have cover over in ten different ways what I want to say, or my views will be too poorly presented for in-depth subjects.

Finding your own voice/place is hard. 😦

Feminist Weekend!

Posted in Uncategorized by macktivist on February 23, 2010

This weekend was the CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference). I think that the weekend that I had was sufficiently liberal enough to counteract any free-floating conservatism that comes my way.

On Friday I volunteered at the local Roe v. Wade luncheon. The event was to raise money for Planned Parenthood by wooing rich donors, and tickets were seventy-five dollars a pop, so working at it was the only way I was going to get in.

I helped stuff the programs before the guest came, and I then worked at the Planned Parenthood merch table. It’s hard to sell T-Shirts that say things such as “Use Condom Sense” to older rich white people. When people did come over they would make it very clear that they were buying these for the “grand/kids”. It does make one question the idea that matures with age as there were plenty of older people who would nudge their friends and giggle at the condom shirt.  We even had one shirt that said “Republicans Stand Up For Choice!”.  There actually were a two people who bought that shirt, a middle aged white man who -like a ghost- appeared, asked for the shirt, paid, and then disappeared, completely free of chitchat. The second man who bought one was more open about his purchase and told us it was for his conservative, yet pro-choice mother.

The woman who was assigned to the merch table with me was a middle aged woman named Honey. We talked a lot about college, and she told me how she went to BYU- but was quick to point out she wasn’t a Mormon, only got a scholarship there. We also talked about graduate and Law School, as I told her about my primary’s Law School options. One of the keynote speakers, Natasha Bhuyan talked to us before the luncheon started.

All of the volunteers were allowed to go into the luncheon after they had finished their meal and the speaker started to present. There was a speaker from the UA (University of Arizona) who spoke about the pre-Roe v Wade days, and women dying from illegal abortions. There was a speech from the PPAZ (Planned Parenthood Arizona) medical director about the importance of choice. I think that the best speaker was the last one, Natasha Bhuyan (and I’m not just saying that because she stopped to talk to me earlier). She is involved with Medpride and Med Students for Choice at the University and had a great speech about how Med schools need to stop acting like abortion is such a taboo subject that can’t be taught and how the procedure is very simple for one that has been given such an air of taboo.

I was physically exhausted after the luncheon because of all of the work it was, but I also felt extremely pumped. A lot of times when I try to stay current on issues that pertain to choice, it is easy to get depressed because of the onslaught of anti-choice legislation that seems to never end. On Friday they did talk about the negative stuff that anti-choicers are throwing at us, but they focused on the ways in which we can combat, and will in fact WIN. It also made me feel extremely proud to be a feminist, pro-choicer, and activist; as all of these identities tie to me to a rich and vibrant past of fierce advocacy against sexism.

On Saturday I went to the University’s Vagina Warrior’s production of the Vagina Monologues because I love vaginas and a friend of mine was in the cast. I liked the way that they set up the stage, with a clothesline in the back on which there were various items of red clothing. The cast were wearing all black and would take off various pieces of red clothing from the line and wear them during their monologues. The most touching for me was a monologue that wasn’t included in the UA’s performance last year as it was just published in Ensler’s new book. It was about being a modern sex slave in Africa (can’t remember which nation right now, sorry) while being a teenager at the same time. Powerful words.